Doing
2 loads of dishes
5 loads of laundry
cooking dinner
baking cookies
packing boxes for a church project
cleaning the bathrooms
mopping the floors
cleaning out the cabinet i opened yesterday and had to duck from the ensuing avalanche
unearthing my counters from the piles of whatever that is
waiting for my husband to come home
and packing so that tomorrow i can experience the joys of three kids with diarrhea on a 250 mile road trip . . . . and Dixie just started throwing up.
The kids have had 'squishy poop' for days now. In fact, Melody was already pooping when Dixie ran in to go and couldn't make it to the other bathroom so she pooped, get this, in the trash can. I would have chalked it up to ingenuity and quick thinking and declared that it was proof positive of Annie's Treatise on Scatalogical Urgency ("When ya gotta go, ya gotta go.") if she hadn't enjoyed how completely horrified and traumatized that her sister was by this act.
10/29/07
I sleep with a small piece of velcro in my bed
I swear it is not there when I get in at night. But inevitably, at some point, I awaken and there it is. Clinging to me. I am never sure where it will pop up--at my head, my feet, between my knees, under my back. It wraps it's little talon-like things around me, digs in and attaches. Every time I move, it comes even closer. Many nights I can hardly sleep because I wake up every time it moves between my body and that of my husbands. Some nights it brings a sister velcro along.
Each night, before bed, I swear I read it a story, give it a hug and kiss and tuck it into its own bed. This doesn't seem to matter, though, as it is not content to stay there. Some invisible noise or silent vision startles it awake, signaling mommy-seeking behavior. Yet it hunts me down.
It would not be so bad were it content to just stay close to me. But every time I wiggle, it wriggles in closer and if I get on my knees and hands a bit to try to change positions or move to a different spots, the suction power of its tentacles pulls it underneath me and then I really am stuck with no place to sleep. Especially on nights when the velcro, her sister, myself, my husband and a variety of household pets are all sharing the same full-sized bed. I am just glad that the smallest piece cannot yet climb out of its crib or open the door.
And now that winter-ish weather has presented itself, those little clingers are COLD and shock me awake with their warmth-seeking behavior.
So I retreat. I retreat to the couch before I am found. One time, I even went to the guest room/dump and cleared a spot. I have briefly considered discovering if I can sleep in a Velcro-sized bed because I am confident that that would be the one place it didn't try to find me.
Each night, before bed, I swear I read it a story, give it a hug and kiss and tuck it into its own bed. This doesn't seem to matter, though, as it is not content to stay there. Some invisible noise or silent vision startles it awake, signaling mommy-seeking behavior. Yet it hunts me down.
It would not be so bad were it content to just stay close to me. But every time I wiggle, it wriggles in closer and if I get on my knees and hands a bit to try to change positions or move to a different spots, the suction power of its tentacles pulls it underneath me and then I really am stuck with no place to sleep. Especially on nights when the velcro, her sister, myself, my husband and a variety of household pets are all sharing the same full-sized bed. I am just glad that the smallest piece cannot yet climb out of its crib or open the door.
And now that winter-ish weather has presented itself, those little clingers are COLD and shock me awake with their warmth-seeking behavior.
So I retreat. I retreat to the couch before I am found. One time, I even went to the guest room/dump and cleared a spot. I have briefly considered discovering if I can sleep in a Velcro-sized bed because I am confident that that would be the one place it didn't try to find me.
10/28/07
things to tell you about tomorrow:
Eecky, Becky, Shrecky and Trekkie
I sleep with a small piece of velcro in my bed.
Legs
Ursumommy
Where Dixie pooped last
sorry for the cliff hangers. but it is 12:10 a.m.
I sleep with a small piece of velcro in my bed.
Legs
Ursumommy
Where Dixie pooped last
sorry for the cliff hangers. but it is 12:10 a.m.
10/27/07
Things I overheard in the car today
Dixie: Melody, do you know why Daddy is going to be Scarecrow for Halloween?
Melody: Why?
Dixie: Because he doesn't have a brain!
(On our way to a party, in costume, with James in the car)
Melody: James, Mommy is Ursula. She is a witch. That i why she has to have a nipple on her face.
James: Aunt Gretchen, why do witches have nipples on their faces?
Gretchen: It is a mole.
Dixie: No it iiiiisssssssn't. It's a Niiiippppllleeeee.
James: But why do you have one on your face?
Gretchen: To be ugly enough to scare small children. Is it working?
***
We went to three Halloween parties today. We went to one yesterday and have one tomorrow.
Disaster struck between parties one and two today. I left Dowlan with two sleeping children and one groggy child. I went to Hobby Lobby to get raffia for his costume. Dixie, my particularly creative and destructive child gave herself her third haircut today. On the first two, she didn't have time to do much damage because Mommy is well aware of the fact that Quiet + Dixie = Trouble, or Q+D=T. Daddy is not as suave to this. In the ten minutes I had to spare while attempting to dress us all and finish Dowlan's scarecrow get-up, I did my best to even up her haircut. It is very cute, very boyish, and makes me want to cry every time I see it.
It was particularly fun at our church party because I had at least ten Ariels to chase after and shriek with laughter as I mocked them and claimed to have stolen their voice. One little girl in particular had fun screeching every single time she saw me.
I can tell that we have finally gotten cozy here because I actually knew enough people to have a good time seeing their kids dressed up and playing with my kids.
Melody: Why?
Dixie: Because he doesn't have a brain!
(On our way to a party, in costume, with James in the car)
Melody: James, Mommy is Ursula. She is a witch. That i why she has to have a nipple on her face.
James: Aunt Gretchen, why do witches have nipples on their faces?
Gretchen: It is a mole.
Dixie: No it iiiiisssssssn't. It's a Niiiippppllleeeee.
James: But why do you have one on your face?
Gretchen: To be ugly enough to scare small children. Is it working?
***
We went to three Halloween parties today. We went to one yesterday and have one tomorrow.
Disaster struck between parties one and two today. I left Dowlan with two sleeping children and one groggy child. I went to Hobby Lobby to get raffia for his costume. Dixie, my particularly creative and destructive child gave herself her third haircut today. On the first two, she didn't have time to do much damage because Mommy is well aware of the fact that Quiet + Dixie = Trouble, or Q+D=T. Daddy is not as suave to this. In the ten minutes I had to spare while attempting to dress us all and finish Dowlan's scarecrow get-up, I did my best to even up her haircut. It is very cute, very boyish, and makes me want to cry every time I see it.
It was particularly fun at our church party because I had at least ten Ariels to chase after and shriek with laughter as I mocked them and claimed to have stolen their voice. One little girl in particular had fun screeching every single time she saw me.
I can tell that we have finally gotten cozy here because I actually knew enough people to have a good time seeing their kids dressed up and playing with my kids.
oops.
Dixie: Mommy, my eyes are crying and watering just a little bit and I don't know why.
Melody: Is it because mommy is so ugly she scared you just a little bit?
Dixie: Yes, that must be it.
Daddy: Is it Mommy that is scary-ugly or Ursula that scares you because she's so ugly.
Dixie: Mommy-Ursula.
The first time I put on my costume and put the seashell necklace around my neck, the girls started ripping at my tentacles to steal back 'Ariel's Voice.'
Speaking of tentacles:
Melody: Mommy, why do you need so many tendigls?
Dixie: Oh, Mommy! Silly Melody is little and can't talk. She called your Tegnackles tendigls! Melody, can you say Teg-nack-les?
Melody: Is it because mommy is so ugly she scared you just a little bit?
Dixie: Yes, that must be it.
Daddy: Is it Mommy that is scary-ugly or Ursula that scares you because she's so ugly.
Dixie: Mommy-Ursula.
The first time I put on my costume and put the seashell necklace around my neck, the girls started ripping at my tentacles to steal back 'Ariel's Voice.'
Speaking of tentacles:
Melody: Mommy, why do you need so many tendigls?
Dixie: Oh, Mommy! Silly Melody is little and can't talk. She called your Tegnackles tendigls! Melody, can you say Teg-nack-les?
10/25/07
Whew
The Ariel's Married Dress is complete.
Dixie's Dorothy only needs sleeves.
Charlie's Sebastian the crab arrived in the mail.
Mommy's Ursula costume . . . at least I've purchased the components.
And Daddy's Scarecrow costume can stuff it.
Dixie's Dorothy only needs sleeves.
Charlie's Sebastian the crab arrived in the mail.
Mommy's Ursula costume . . . at least I've purchased the components.
And Daddy's Scarecrow costume can stuff it.
10/24/07
Ms. Melody
Something the kids were doing this morning reminded me of this one.
Melody had never cared that the TV was on or off until she was 22 months old and had strep so badly that she couldn't do anything but sit up on the couch and watch cartoons. Fortunately, we'd just gotten a DVR (think TIVO) and had a few episodes of JoJo's Circus and Charlie and Lola captured.
For those of you who have not yet seen JoJo's Circus, it is about a young clown girl named JoJo who is in a clown family and attends clown school. The show is done in claymation and is stinkin' adorable. She learns a lesson every day and everything has a circus twist. For instance, in their garden they grow squirting flowers and her kite is a giggle kite that needs not wind but laughter in order to soar.
So spending about 48 straight hours watching television hooks her for life and it is months before we can convince her that this is not the normal way that she should live. Even though the access is far more limited than it was that weekend, JoJo and Charlie and Lola remain her favorite programs to this day.
So last summer, Melody wanted to play Teacher. But she doesn't read a book or point out things on a board and ask questions. Nope, she stands up and says, "Boys and Girls! Boys and Girls! Put your bunny ears on and hop! Hop! Hop!" Which is exactly How Mrs. Kersplatski does it on Jojo. Except it takes us weeks to figure this out.
Don't you wish your teachers had only expected that from you?
Melody had never cared that the TV was on or off until she was 22 months old and had strep so badly that she couldn't do anything but sit up on the couch and watch cartoons. Fortunately, we'd just gotten a DVR (think TIVO) and had a few episodes of JoJo's Circus and Charlie and Lola captured.
For those of you who have not yet seen JoJo's Circus, it is about a young clown girl named JoJo who is in a clown family and attends clown school. The show is done in claymation and is stinkin' adorable. She learns a lesson every day and everything has a circus twist. For instance, in their garden they grow squirting flowers and her kite is a giggle kite that needs not wind but laughter in order to soar.
So spending about 48 straight hours watching television hooks her for life and it is months before we can convince her that this is not the normal way that she should live. Even though the access is far more limited than it was that weekend, JoJo and Charlie and Lola remain her favorite programs to this day.
So last summer, Melody wanted to play Teacher. But she doesn't read a book or point out things on a board and ask questions. Nope, she stands up and says, "Boys and Girls! Boys and Girls! Put your bunny ears on and hop! Hop! Hop!" Which is exactly How Mrs. Kersplatski does it on Jojo. Except it takes us weeks to figure this out.
Don't you wish your teachers had only expected that from you?
10/23/07
A Name Change.
I was up most of the night with Diarrhea Boy, as he has now been officially renamed. We're just awaiting the new birth certificate, really. Diarrhea Boy likes being held in a certain upright position these days. And nights.
So I was the lucky girl who got to hold him upright over my left shoulder and pat him on the back with my right hand from 3:00 a.m. to around 7:00. My neck and shoulders are in absolute agony.
To help matters, fall arrived with our first cold snap night before last. Cold=Pain. And everyone is grumpy. At one point this afternoon, Melody was crying loudly because she didn't want to be up from her nap and was equally not a fan of the prospect of going to sleep. Dixie was squalling because she was upset that Melody didn't want to play. And Charlie was crying . . . I dunno. Sympathy? Fear? Surprise at his crying sisters? Because he just realized that he'd been renamed Diarrhea Boy? There are so many possibilities.
Charlie, I mean Diarrhea Boy, did learn his first phrase today. He was helping me pat Melody on the back and say "There, There." This is Dowlan's official solution to all uncontrolled female emotions. And that DB is so smart that he even translated it into German before repeating it: Da, da!
So I was the lucky girl who got to hold him upright over my left shoulder and pat him on the back with my right hand from 3:00 a.m. to around 7:00. My neck and shoulders are in absolute agony.
To help matters, fall arrived with our first cold snap night before last. Cold=Pain. And everyone is grumpy. At one point this afternoon, Melody was crying loudly because she didn't want to be up from her nap and was equally not a fan of the prospect of going to sleep. Dixie was squalling because she was upset that Melody didn't want to play. And Charlie was crying . . . I dunno. Sympathy? Fear? Surprise at his crying sisters? Because he just realized that he'd been renamed Diarrhea Boy? There are so many possibilities.
Charlie, I mean Diarrhea Boy, did learn his first phrase today. He was helping me pat Melody on the back and say "There, There." This is Dowlan's official solution to all uncontrolled female emotions. And that DB is so smart that he even translated it into German before repeating it: Da, da!
Whoever said I only adopted Dixie for the Blog material she provides
may have been on to something.
I was parked on the street last night, so the first thing I did on the way to school this morning was made a U-turn at the wide spot about half a block down the street. Dixie shouts out: "That was a safety violation!"
Kid, I love you. And you're brilliant. But if you have to cube your age before you're old enough to drive, I am NOT taking advice from you.
It reminds me of Melody at about 2 years old. She would point from the backseat and demand to go 'tat way!' The fact that I had no idea which way she was pointing was immaterial--I was not letting someone under three feet tall navigate. She would get so incredibly upset if I did not comply. I would try to explain to her that we aren't going that way because it wouldn't get us where we wanted to be, but this did no good.
It did amaze me though. Within about 2 months of starting this, she got very good at telling me the right way to go to church, Daddy's work and Shelly's (Shelley was the baby-sitter at the time. And did you catch the way in which I cleverly spelled her name with one E the first time and one E the second time so that, if she happens upon this, it isn't completely evident that I still don't know how to spell her name despite having known her a decade because I can point to one of the spellings and say "See, I knew it. I just had a typo.")
Back to Driving Miss Dixie . . .
In the van each morning, we talk about what day it is, what the next day will be, what yesterday was, what the season and month are and what the plans entail for that day. Today's conversation went something like this:
Mommy: What day is today?
Girls: Uhhh . . . . Friday? Yes! Friday!
M: It isn't Friday, it's Tuesday.
Angry Dixie: Nuh-uh! It can't be Tuesday because we had one of those last week!
M: Yes, we had one last week. And we have one today and we'll have next week. We have a Tuesday every week.
Angry Dixie: Harumph.
I was parked on the street last night, so the first thing I did on the way to school this morning was made a U-turn at the wide spot about half a block down the street. Dixie shouts out: "That was a safety violation!"
Kid, I love you. And you're brilliant. But if you have to cube your age before you're old enough to drive, I am NOT taking advice from you.
It reminds me of Melody at about 2 years old. She would point from the backseat and demand to go 'tat way!' The fact that I had no idea which way she was pointing was immaterial--I was not letting someone under three feet tall navigate. She would get so incredibly upset if I did not comply. I would try to explain to her that we aren't going that way because it wouldn't get us where we wanted to be, but this did no good.
It did amaze me though. Within about 2 months of starting this, she got very good at telling me the right way to go to church, Daddy's work and Shelly's (Shelley was the baby-sitter at the time. And did you catch the way in which I cleverly spelled her name with one E the first time and one E the second time so that, if she happens upon this, it isn't completely evident that I still don't know how to spell her name despite having known her a decade because I can point to one of the spellings and say "See, I knew it. I just had a typo.")
Back to Driving Miss Dixie . . .
In the van each morning, we talk about what day it is, what the next day will be, what yesterday was, what the season and month are and what the plans entail for that day. Today's conversation went something like this:
Mommy: What day is today?
Girls: Uhhh . . . . Friday? Yes! Friday!
M: It isn't Friday, it's Tuesday.
Angry Dixie: Nuh-uh! It can't be Tuesday because we had one of those last week!
M: Yes, we had one last week. And we have one today and we'll have next week. We have a Tuesday every week.
Angry Dixie: Harumph.
Oh wait! There's more!
Dixie: Mommy, you make me crazy! You are one crazy girl! (Turning to Daddy) Daddy, your wife makes me craaaaaa-zeeee!
Mommy: No, Dixie. I didn't put jelly on your sandwich this time, either.
Dixie: You didn't??? Oh. Well, you're still crazy.
Mommy: No, Dixie. I didn't put jelly on your sandwich this time, either.
Dixie: You didn't??? Oh. Well, you're still crazy.
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