I can tell him, but I can't guarantee that it will do any good

Melody: Mommy! Tell Daddy that the grass is NOT for poop!

I wish someone would make this and stick it on YouTube

Remember the movie I, Robot?

I want to see I, Roomba. Where the little roomba vacuums take over, vacuuming over the people that they have declared their enemies. I especially want to see the big war scenes where thousands of little grey, white, red and blue roombas move in perfectly synchronized formations as they attack.

Thanks again, Walt!

So I was already miffed when the girls came out of their first viewing of The Little Mermaid having learned the following lessons:

1. Humans are barbarians
2. Daddies are scary
3. The most important thing a girl can dream of is finding the right man
4. How to kiss like a grown-up
5. What witches are
6. You shouldn't eat fish
7. It's okay to disobey your father's rules
   

Now, thanks again, for this gem of a conversation I got to have yesterday:

Melody: Mommy, I hate you.
Mommy: Really. Do you know what 'hate' means?
Melody: Hm. No.
Mommy: Where did you learn that word?
Melody: Nemo tells his daddy, "Daddy, I hate you!"
Mommy: You've never even seen Nemo.
Melody: He's on my Talkin' CD at night.
Mommy: Oh, so he tells his daddy he hates him. Do you think that is a nice or mean thing?
Melody: Not sure. Maybe mean? He sounds madd.
Mommy: 'Hate' means you don't love someone at all and wish they were gone forever.
Melody: Like dead?
Mommy: Yes, like that. Do you wish that for Mommy?
Melody: No, I love Mommy. I love you the best.
Mommy: I love you too, sweet girl.
Melody: Why would Nemo be so mean to his Daddy?

That's a really good question. My girls have already learned Imbecile, Ugly, Idiot, Barbarian, Witch and Stupid from Disney movies. Do we really need 'hate' added to that list?


Why can't we have a children's move that is, I dunno, appropriate for children???

Apparently, we're to the point of needing divine intervention

Dixie says: My tummy is awake and it's helping Jesus clean the house.

And he talks!

Mom and I were talking last night about how Charlie has a lot to say, only no one knows what on earth he's saying. His vocabulary pretty much includes ball, banana, button, uh-oh!, da (there), du (drink) and mama. Mama, you're thinking, "How sweet." Except that 'Mama' means 'Mama, please get me something.'

So just three days after Dixie makes the classic announcement, "Mommy, Charlie knows his name! He said 'Boofer!' " Charlie speaks.

He looked Melody squarely in the eye and said, "My ball." And he meant it.

She's catching on

Dixie: Melody, how did you see that?
Melody: I see things like Mommy does. I look without using my eyes. That way, I know everything.

Random bits

Melody: MOOOOMMEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Mommy: What?
Melody: Not you, mommy. The baby giraffe is talking to its mommy.
Mommy: Okay.

Dixie: MOM! Eee!
Mommy: What?
Dixie: Not you! Cinderella's horse is talking to its mommy!

Melody: Mommy?
Dixie: Mommy!
Melody and Dixie: MOMMMEEEEE!
*crickets*
Melody: Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy! Why aren't you answering me???
Mommy: What, me?
Melody: Of course! Who else would I be talking to?

***

Melody: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Dixie: A bigger Dixie.

That makes her either the least ambitious or most content person I've ever known.

Penn-ertainment:

(That's PennyVann-Entertainment to you.)

-day of the week
-what day tomorrow is and yesterday was
-how many days until some special event
-counting to 100
-practicing months of the year
-what season it is
-how many ____ do we see? (buses, flags, Steve's, etc)
-counting in Spanish
-learning the hand signals for Two Legit (MC Hammer)
-rhyming words
-1 + 1 is 2, 2 + 2 is 4, etc.
-yellow + blue = green, etc
-practicing address, phone number, city, etc
-learning to spell everyone's names
-stories of when they were babies
-finding things in the clouds
-singing
-learning Bible verses
-learning hymns
-counting all the fingers in the van
-same for eyes, ears, noses, etc (yes, this includes counting Charlie's penis, and that he is the only boy and the only one with a penis.)
-explaining scientific prinicples like weather, reflection, movement of the earth in relation to the sun and moon, gravitational pull
-words that start with A, B, C, etc
-spelling things
-screaming the loudest

Any more suggestions?

Makes me wonder what they have planned for me

Charlie is becoming, well, a kid brother instead of a baby brother. In the eyes of his sisters, the 'cute' has clearly worn off. So they decided it was time to get rid of him because, to quote Dixie, "He makes it hard to play with our toys."

Dixie first proposed putting him in a box and mailing him somewhere. Melody nixed this, on the grounds that he would be too big and would cry and would be 'unvomclable.' (That's 'uncomfortable,' in the common parlance) She also felt that using a bag would make him 'choke and get sick.'

So it was Melody's turn to hatch a scheme. Her proposal was to have a garage sale, but then she remembered that, 'Mommy doesn't like to have garage sales, only go to them.' So she then settled on what I felt was a fairly brilliant idea: putting him in the toy box. He'll fall to the bottom and we'll never find him again. Just like all the other toys.

Dixie much preferred the idea of taking the tools out of the tool box o that we could put Charlie inside and latch the lid. Then we can put him in the water and float him to Pharoah's daughter. I don't know who her Bible class teacher is this quarter, but I think she needs to focus more on facts and less on communion wine, if you get my drift.

As they hashed over the pros and cons of these, they revisited the box idea and modified it with a bigger box and adding to it the suggestion of including a pillow, that way he could be 'vomclable' and, seeing no other flaws in the plan, decided that this was what they would do.

Very logical girls. Scary, but well-thought-out.

Melody's contribution

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, L 0M, ;N/H.MK,0 DKH4J55JJN N N H U G U J J B N H[/P DG33EW8D8 Y34YY7 1U6774 7R 4 7 6VNASAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN GB VRDHVYH HBYVHHHNYHYJ NUJCI7DHFYJY7F73J732F298H YBYFE67T6G664GH46GH69

Motherhood:

It's a competition . . .




. . . and I'm clearly winning.




Happy Valentine's Day!

Lucky Kitty

Dixie: I fixed Simon's Meow.
Mommy: How did you do that?
Dixie: I fed him.

I can't blame this one on Grandma

Tonight we're playing with Charlie's favorite food (Play-Doh) and Dixie messes something up on the intricate combination of balls and snakes that she was working on. Frustrated, she says, "Oh, Jesus!"

Mommy stares at her, "What did you say?"

In a patient and explaining kind of tone, she replies, "I said 'Oh, Jesus.' "

"Really, you said what?" She clearly is not catching on the the fact that this is the point in the conversation where you attempt to fake contrition.

"I said 'Oh' and then I said 'Jesus.' I said 'Oh, Jesus.' "

Oh, Jesus.

Charlie's PSA:

Spackle does not taste good. It may look like meringue, but it is not.


(I know meringue is spelled correctly, but that is one odd looking word.)

I take that back

Guess what I found written on Melody's sheets this morning? Yup! DIXIE.


ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Princess Disaster

Dixie, at dinner tonight, knocked something over. Frustrated by her clumsiness, she sighs dramatically, buries her face in her hands and announces, "I am Princess Disaster."

Melody also pointed out that "If you cut off your head, that will hurt. And if you put it in a jar, that will really hurt."

I refrained from debating with her on the logistics of getting your own head into a jar.

Girls, I think Charlie's trying to tell you something

Charlie, a.k.a. Button Pusher, turned off the TV this morning. The girls squealed in protest. Charlie turned around, grinned, and put his hand to his forehead with only his thumb and forefinger out. That's right, the big L for Loser sign. Flashed by my 18 month old.

***

Melody, praying at dinner last night:
God, thank you for my family. I love Mommy, Daddy, *sigh* and, for some reason, Dixie, and even Charlie.

Dowlan and I were about to burst.

***

And Dixie has gone an entire week and only written DIXIE on two things--Mommy's fridge and Amanda's water bill. Huge progress, really.

Standings:

Dixie: Pink Eye
Charlie: Sinus Infection/Ear Infection
Melody: Strep
Mommy: possibly Strep
Daddy: The ability to leave for work 10 hours aday.


It just isn't fair!

So much for manners

We've really been working on having good table manners. Sitting in a chair the entire time, eating with utensils, using napkins, not burping or farting, no toys, no rude comments about the food, etc.

Dowlan is having a terrible time of it. ;)

So last night is going really well, despite the menu featuring spaghetti. The girls are actually eating, not running in circles around the house between bites, and we did get the entire prayer respectfully said before the eating commenced.

Melody asks, "May I please be excutes to the potty?"

Excutes, excused, whatever.

Dowlan and I are commenting to each other how nice it is to actually have a decent, calm meal about the time that Melody shouts from the bathroom, "Sometimes it is really hard to poop! And then when you do it splashes up and gets your bottom wet!"

Sigh.

Me, too!

Melody: I think I'm allergic to this.
Mommy: To what?
Melody: To clean.

Does anyone know a Charlie James S----?

If so, I have a lovely handmade quilt my MIL made for him for Christmas. She sent it here, but it is clearly a mistake. We have no one by that name in this house. We also have a Raggedy Ann sweatshirt with Melodie embroidered on it. Unfortunately, I don't know any Melodies. It should make Dixie feel better about not having anything made for her at all to then have her name not on it.

Velcro Update

Here is the previous post on the topic.

We now have more Velcro that likes to sleep in our bed. When the bed gets too full, I travel from bed to couch to couch to bed and it follows me around all night. A few weeks ago, I went to a doctor because I was exhausted all the time, slowly gaining weight despite my best efforts and was having a hard time simply staying awake.

All my tests came back normal and he wanted to do a Sleep Study. I laughed and told him that if he put me in a room by myself I would sleep better than I've slept in slightly over four years. It isn't a matter of a sleep disorder, as much as the fact that my family creates disorderly sleep. I actually considered begging for a week long study, simply so that I could catch up a bit.

Melody, who was once content to sleep next to me, now prefers to sleep on top of me. Thank God she only weighs 28 lbs.

So Dowlan, at some point in the night, ended up asleep on the couch with two girls. On top of him, of course. And he relocated them to get up at the alarm that is Charlie's first morning howls.

Melody woke up this morning, amazed. She ran into my room, crying, "Mommy! I went to sleep on Daddy, but I woke up on Dixie! I must have been sleep walking or maybe it was magic."

5:48 a.m.

Charlie, we're all glad you're feeling better.

Now go back to sleep.