The local university here called my cell phone while I was at lunch today, looking for Dowlan. I didn't think much about it, other than to give them his local cell number and continue with my chewing.
Wait, why would they be calling him?
Because he has a preliminary phone interview on Friday for a tech support job. Suh-weet.
Then, this afternoon, I drive over to the stone house. (Since we currently somewhat live in three places we have had to name them. The new house is the stone house, the old one is called by the town's name and the place we're staying is Miss Mindy's.)
On the way, I return a call from someone whose name I didn't quite catch. We have this conversation:
Lady: Has your husband ever lived outside of the state?
Me: Uh, he grew up in Oklahoma, but hasn't lived there in, oh, fifteen years? I think I lived one or two summers in New Mexico at some point, but I'm not too sure about that.
Lady: Does he do much traveling outside the state?
Me: Not in the thirteen years I've known him. We've been to Oklahoma, New Mexico, Louisiana and Oregon. Oh, and he went to California with his buddies about 8 years ago.
Lady: Did you know about the warrant out for his arrest?
Me: WHAT? You're kidding.
Lady: There's a warrant out on him in Pittsburgh for making terroristic threats. Oh, I can't remember who they were against. John. John something. Hm, I can't find the last name . . . does he know anyone named John in Pittsburgh?
Me: Uh, no. I don't think he's ever been to Pennsylvania. The only person I even know who has ever lived in the state is my college roommate, but that was during grad school and I think she's still in Greece now. What year was this?
Me: I can tell you with certainty that he was not in Pittsburgh in 2009. (I see Dowlan.) Dowlan, ever been to Pittsburgh?
Lady: It didn't have to be in person. It could have been over the phone or by internet. And terroristic threats could mean a lot of things. It could be a simple threat of violence or death. So you're saying you deny knowledge of this?
Me: Yes. Could it have been a mistake? We have a pretty common last name.
Lady: How tall is your husband?
Lady: Well, what we have is that a tall man with a Texas driver's license, born the same year, with the same middle initial and last name made a terroristic threat against a man named John in Pittsburgh last year. The record has the name spelled a little differently. It has Donal, not Dowlan.
Me: That is not him. Sounds like someone wrote Donald down wrong.
Lady: Excuse me?
Me: Well, it sounds like they were . . . you know what? Nevermind.
Lady: So I'll just put down that you deny knowledge of this.
Me: How about you put down that this is the wrong person entirely?
Lady: I can't do that. Thank you, goodbye.
Dowlan: Hey, honey? Let's hurry and go to the hardware store. I want to get back in time for Chuck.
Me: Sure, anything you say. Just don't threaten me, you terrorist.
Okay, onto the hardware store.
We're looking at several things: paint colors for 4 rooms, new vinyl peel-and-stick flooring for the laundry room, flooring options for two rooms and a washer/dryer. I have my handy dandy notebook to write prices and options into.
We get paint samples, start to look at tile, but get distracted by all the shiny new appliances, especially this one washer/dryer set that seems rather cheap, considering. It's front-loading, stackable, high-efficient, energy star, a good brand, large capacity, etc. So why is only $150 more than the absolute cheapest basic model on the floor?
Clearance is my favorite nine-letter word.
Oops. Because it is on clearance, they don't have a stacking kit that they can sell me, but the sweet and incredibly useful salesperson will call up the manufacturer on the spot so that I can order one straight from the company. I can handle that. Especially since stacking it means that I have room for the deep freeze in the utility room and do not have to find room for it in the dining room.
Ooh, and I get the extra 10% off any energy-star appliance, even though it is on clearance. Score!
We pick out new peel-and-stick to replace the 40-something year old vinyl tiles that are currently crumbling in the utility room, get the right cords and dryer vents and head back to the stone house to watch the season premiere of Chuck (a.k.a. The Super Spy Guy).
Alas, the viewing of the super spy is delayed by one more awkward conversation:
Gretchen: Is Charlie wearing panties?
Dowlan: Yes. I couldn't find any clean underwear for him this morning.
Gretchen: You know, right, that there will never BE any clean underwear until you do some laundry?
(Didn't a near-identical conversation take place between Hugh Grant and his creepy roommate in the movie Notting Hill?)