The girls' new favorite show?

They love The Doctor.

"Doctor Who?" you ask?


I have been on a Doctor Who watching spree. The girls LOVE it. They love the aliens, space ships, robots, planets, everything. Dixie wants to grow up and be Rose so that she can "go in the TARDIS with the dock-tah." She wants to save the world with the "Time Gourd."

Charlie can say Dock-tah.

They were playing outside and were 'hurrying back to the space transporter before the Ood got them. This is SOOOO much cooler than all that princess crap.

And at church today, we're being silly with the name game. After we get done 'banana-fana-fo-fannah'ing every kid's name in the room, they start throwing out things like 'shoe' and 'book.'

What does Melody want to sing?

Dalek, dalek, bo-balek
Mi-my-mo-malek. Dalek.

I wonder if I can buy a police box somewhere?


Awww! I should leave more often!

I went to our church's Women's Retreat this weekend.

I have been very burned out with the whole parenting gig lately. Part of it is that I am naturally lazy, part of it is that it seems like they're all insane. Simply insane. Charlie goes around biting, Melody is hysterical at the drop of a hat, and Dixie is inventing an entire fantasy world surrounding her birth parents that is rather hard to compete with.

Oh, and there's the part where I'm just lazy.

I left yesterday, and I gotta admit that I wasn't feeling so good about leaving. I had just almost witnessed the demise of my youngest courtesy of a mall escalator and had spent a good bit of time shouting at the taller ones in the 24 hours leading up to it. So I go. Sing some songs, do crafts, listen to some talks. You get the idea.

I always dread coming home. I know what my house looked like when I left, but that doesn't mean it is going to have even the most remote resemblance when I return 28 hours later.

I came home and I heard MOMMYMOMMYMOMMY through the door, was greeted with massive girl hugs and then charlie kissed my nose! I have to brag that my incredible husband taught Charlie to give kisses while I was gone! When he was leaning in, I just KNEW I was going to get bit, but I got kissed a dozen times instead with real smacking kisses! And then he walked around, practicing kissing.

It was sooooo cool to be missed. Proves I'm not invisible.


Charlie will NEVER be out of diapers.

Every morning, I strip Charlie down and sit him on the potty. I keep thinking that one day, he will, er, produce something while we're there and then we can get all excited and goofy and proceed from there.

His favorite thing to do on the potty? sit with his legs spread really wide and use his hand to run the tip of his penis along the edge of the toilet seat and make Vrrrooom Vrrrrooom noises.

It isn't a race car, Charlie.


Oh, Dear God.

I just found Dixie sitting on the bathroom counter with her feet in a sink full of water. She was cleaning the potty chair bucket using toothpaste and MY toothbrush.


ALSO, Melody clung and whined instead of going to gymnastics yesterday. She'd done the same thing at the church nursery, and then was awful all day. She's been taking three hour naps lately. For the forty-five minutes before Dowlan got home today, she fussed about being hungry. Then she refuses to eat and has a tantrum instead

She's screaming, and im being silly. I'm listening to the bottom of her feet, to the top of her head, to her elbow. Then, I listen to her mouth and say, 'Oh, that's where that sound is coming from! Do you think that if we put some food in there, it would stop making that noise?'

She giggles and shakes her head NO.

So I say, 'Well, let me see if I can figure out where that noise is coming from,' and I look down her throat. Her tonsils are HUGE and red.

I guess it was good thing I act like a fool.

in The Gospel, According to Dixie

Jesus was nailed to the cross by none other than Ursula the Sea Witch.

And her Ursula dolly goes around, being as wicked as Dixie can possibly fathom her being. She says 'kill' a lot. But mostly she stomps and says, 'I'm not going to share. I am going to stick out my bottom. I will not praise God.'

Dixie also told me Sunday, "Mommy, I turned my belly button down, because it was too loud."


Has anyone seen a baby named Charlie?

Because we only seem to have a little boy by that name. The baby is all gone.

Tonight we moved him into his Big Boy Room, but before we did, I snapped some pictures of his nursery/closet. Right now, there's random bits of furniture here and there, hoping to find homes. Poor guy didn't know how to rest with all that wide-open space and took 30 minutes to express his anger before going to sleep.

Once we get the new room a little tidier, I'll post pics of both. (As well as the pics of both girls with their happy heart ears!)


Again with the Melody story?

Melody: What day is today?
Christine: Monday
(thoughtful pause)
Melody: Would it be Mon-night, since it is the night time now?

Also, on Saturday night, Melody decided to join the world of the grown-ups and get her ears pierced. She was Very Brave.


Melody, you just need to not worry so much!

Melody started crying in the middle of church yesterday. I could not even begin to figure out what was wrong and she was getting close to hysterical before she told me, "Mommy, I don't EVER want a baby in my tummy! I don't want there to be one there AT ALL!"


On Saturday, she looked at my face and we had the following conversation:

Mommy, what's that?

-A pimple.

What's a nimple?

-Oh, just a little sore on your face. Your skin is covered in teeny tiny holes that will get bigger as you do. Sometimes, a little bit of dirt or a germ will get in one and it will make a sore.

Have I ever had one?

-Yes, when you were a baby. They covered your entire tiny nose.

Will I have more?

-Yes, but probably not until you get bigger.

Do they hurt?

-Sometimes. Most of them don't, but sometimes they hurt if they're big or in a tender spot.

But I don't want my face to hurt, EVER! I want to stay little all the time so I don't have nimples that make my face ugly and hurting! NOOOOO!

(and she began sobbing hysterically.)


And we had this conversation in Wal*Mart:

-Melody! It's a penny!


-See, it's right there!

I see it.

-Don't you want it? Pick it up!

But it isn't mine. You shouldn't take a penny that isn't yours.


Just say NO

Charlie's NO practice has paid off--he is becoming quite good at his NO-ing. So we have invented the NO game. Charlie and I stick our foreheads together, stare each other in the eye, and have a conversation like this:

Charlie: No.
Mommy: No.
C: No.
M: No.
C: NO.
M: NO!
C: NOnonononoNONONOno.
M: Yes!
C: NO.
M: NO!

Yeah, you get the idea.

After round three of this invigorating game, I'm changing Mr. Charlie's Pants. He is doing Pilates--grabbing his hands just below the knee and rocking his legs back and forth, twisting at the waist.

I forgot to check to see if he was pulling his navel towards his spine in proper Pilates form, because I was laughing so hard.

He was singing No, No, NO, NO, NO to the tune of The Blue Danube.


Charlie does not want you to know

that he is acting the way he's acting. That must be it, because he is putting forth every possible effort to stop me from blogging.

He has been throwing hysterical tantrums at the drop of a hat. He runs in circles in the kitchen, furiously signing MORE, MORE, but doesn't seem to know what it is he wants MORE of.

I am on the Charlie Diet--you know, the one where any food you prepare is consumed by Charlie instead of yourself.

And today I figured out that I am not just imagining things--he has clearly been experiencing, er, 'inner turmoil' and today that turmoil, er, manifested itself.

You know it is bad when you go through ten wipes before getting the diaper off. I just threw the shorts away. The 2.50 I paid for them is a small price to pay for not having to touch that crap.

And then we go to Walgreens, as I am out of Q-Tips, Vitamin C drops, and my drug of choice--Advil Cold & Sinus. I'm sitting Charlie in the cart (Thank you Jeeeesus! that I did not opt for the stroller) and I hear two girl voices, in stereo, screech EEEEEEW! POOOOOOOP!

He is completely covered along his bum and back with *drumroll* melted chocolate. It looks like an entire bottle of syrup was poured on him. Thank you, friend who decided to share her chocolate with the baby two nights ago. Thank you, 85ยบ weather.

I am not one to look upon clothing as disposable, but I barely got it to fit him to begin with and there is not enough Oxyclean in all the world to get that out.

So I think the reason that Charlie is tugging on my knees right now is to pretend like he wants MORE, MORE and to distract mommy from telling you that he is responsible for all this chaos.


According to Dr. Inter Net

The pain in my feet every morning is plantar fascitis.

So Dowlan is doing most of the morning kid stuff while i wiggle my feet, stretch my calves and try to get up the nerve to walk the fifteen steps to the bathroom.

Melody comes in needing breakfast and asserting that Daddy has Gone To Work. I stumble in to get her some and she realizes that Daddy is Right There.

Daddy goes to take a shower and I'm on the couch, wiggling my feet. Melody comes to tell me that Charlie's a stinky diaper baby and I tell her that Daddy will have to deal with it. Mommy's feet 'woken up yet.'

Melody suggests, "Maybe you could change him on your knees."

Yeah, there's a visual image for you. Mommy the Jammied Lioness, carrying Charlie Cub by grabbing the nape of his scrawny neck in her teeth, trying not to breathe in the diaper stench. Crawling over and pawing at the door to open it up, and then leaping to the top of the changing table to hover over him on all fours and change his diaper.

No wonder animals just poop on the ground.


Melody's latest hit

I got one shoe,
I got one shoe,
I got one shoe 'cause I don't got two.

A Gem from my father-in-law

Charlie, looks like you have more teeth than I do now.


In her world, it makes perfect sense

Mommy: Melody, get dressed in your leotard while I go get something out of the van.
Melody: But I want to come with you.
Mommy: You're naked. You can't come outside naked.
Mommy goes outside. Melody is standing in front of screen door, naked.
Mommy: Melody, go get dressed. Don't stand in the doorway naked.
Mommy: Melody, go get dressed. Don't come outside naked.
Melody: But I want to be with you.
Mommy: Then go get dressed, Melody. You aren't supposed to be outside naked.
Melody: But I'm not naked.
Mommy: You are completely free of clothing. You aren't even wearing panties.
Melody: But I have my shoes on. And you have to have your shoes on to come outside.