Blame it on the Girl Scouts and their evil ways

I have figured out why Americans are fat and it isn't what you think. It isn't our fast food and fructose syrup laden diet, it isn't our preference to remain inert by any means necessary, it is the fault of those danged Brownies and their vast conspiracy.

Even their name is a food.

Every October 31st, the gauntlet of gluttony begins as women all over our nation stay up past their children's bedtimes, digging through candy-packed plastic pumpkins, gleaning out the good stuff.

We continue this slow expansion for the next two months, aided by seven types of pie at Thanksgiving and the urge we all have to bake something and share it at Christmas.

Then New Year's hits, we hit the scale and vow to hit the gym. January 1st our budgets and our bellies go on diets as the bills and bellies are shocking to us all that time of year.

About three weeks into the new year, right as we've had time to get good and hungry, these appear:


Yeah. They cost a little too much, are sold by people a little too cute and taste a little too good to ever resist. Their smear campaign derails our every effort and we fail, destined to be fat for another year.


razberiswrl said...

Well, the cookies DO contain HFCS and trans-fatty hydrogenated oils ... I've been avoiding the precious little beasts quite well. MIL brought a couple boxes in the house, but I made her take them back out.

Anonymous said...

Next year, in lieu of Thin Mints, I will give the little girl $5 and go buy some rice wafers....

We had a fabulous time ~ ~ Papa

msguish said...

Have you seen the episode of Phineas and Ferb (yes, we watch that show with regularity) where Dr. Doofensmurtz tries to turn all the scouts sweet treats into brussel sprouts? Or is it broccoli? Anyway, made me think of that episode.

Ksagstetter said...

I read your post and emailed my mother with instructions to mail me several boxes of thin mints to Greece.