The Hard Stuff

Yesterday, we got a new phone book.

Melody sees it in the driveway and gets incredibly excited. She grabs it and rushes up to me and says, "Mommy, it's a phonebook! We can use it to look up [Dixie's birthmother's] phone number and you can tell her where Dixie is and Dixie can see her and be so happy!"

A few months ago, I had to sit Dixie down and explain to her that the reason her birthmother was not around was not because I was making her stay away, but because she had made the choice that she does not want to be a mommy any more. You have never seen anguish like this child had on her face.

And I know it seems cruel and harsh, but she was building this entire fantasy world around her. She was like the little girls in Annie, who look out the window and make a whole story in their head about their perfect and wonderful birth parents who are rich and have a big house full of clothes and toys and are just waiting for the day when they can come back for their little girl.

The reality was that as long as Dixie had her heart and hope vested in her birthmother, she was never going to really be secure here. As heart-wrenching as that conversation, and the subsequent rehashing that was needed, it helped her jump on board to Team Mommy Gretchen.

So yesterday, it was Melody's turn. She was so excited, and wanted to help so badly. She just wanted her sister's heart desire manifested and I got to explain why what she wants is not what she needs and why talking about it hurts. She just didn't get it. Fortunately, Dixie was at school when this happened.


Good news: Melody has an appointment at 1:00 with a pediatrician so we can get a referral to a new ENT.


Susan Lechuga said...

Hola mama. I follow your post on BBC and I just wanted you to know you are an amazing mama and I admire you. You have a heart of gold and one day your babies will realize it.

Betsy Hart said...

I can't imagine having to have that conversation with my child... you are AMAZING!

Multislacking Mama said...

Oh, bless it :( You are doing great, Momma. (((HUGS)))


Lacy Rose said...

Awww Gretchen! You are doing a wonderful job and Dixie will look back on that talk when she is older and love you so much more for it!

Samantha said...

My parents never made my adoption a secret or let me walk around with unrealistic expectations about my birth parents. Dixie will appreciate your honesty. I think you totally made the right call there.