Oma, Dance Dance Revolution, and My Whole Wicked Life

We are sitting at a stop light in PennyVann when Dixie announces, "Mommy, I wish you were more like Oma."

I star thinking of all my mother's endearing traits. She is fun and patient with the kids, has beautiful long hair and is an incredible pianist. Thinking of all the qualities she has that I lack, I ask, "What do you mean? How do you want me to be more like Oma?"

"Oma doesn't stop at red lights, she just goes, goes, goes!"

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So I have embarked upon a new fitness endeavor. Melody went through a phase where she loved the digital scale and told me each morning, "Mommy, I need to check my numbers."

She would stomp around on it, watch the little zeros dance back and forth and then stand on it, look at the number and announce indignantly, "I am NOT two one. I am Two And A Half."

Charlie has recently discovered the scale and treats it like Dance Dance Revolution. He stands at the back of it and stomps on it, watching the numbers flicker. He takes turns stomping his little baby boy feet on each side of it. Back and forth, chasing the numbers with his little jammied feet.

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I keep meaning to include some household vernacular.

To Meat Mop the Round and Round is to clean the microwave. A swamich is something placed between two slices of bread and can be a Peanut Swamich, Jelly Swamich, Flat Weenie Swamich or a Butter Swamich. (Those last two refer to bologna and cream cheese.) You might frequently hear that I have Never done THAT in my Whole Wicked Life. Anyone who provides assistance of any form is a Helper Monkey and if that person then finds a yellow tube-shaped fruit to consume, they are a BananaMonkey.

Tinas are the neighborhood girls who speak only spanish and when you say goodbye to them the only proper salutation is 'Noches.' The name of our town specifically refers only to our home while Oma lives in a house named Abilene and Grandma Jane's house is The Other Abilene. (We were once on a trip from our town to Abilene and Dixie was arguing with me that we should go to Grandma's house first because it doesn't take very long to get there while Oma's House takes a LONG time to get there. I tried to explain to her that the only reason it didn't take long to get to Grandma's house is that we leave from Oma's house to get there. We still have to get to Abilene before either is close. While I enjoyed her logic, I couldn't convince her that it wasn't going to work.)

The PennyVann contains a Boofer Scooper (infant car seat) that is used to containt the poor young lad who is referred to as any of the following terms: Mr. Charlie Pants, Pants, The Pants Mister, Charlie Pants O'Mister, Boof, Little Boof, Boofer, Boofers, and, occasionally, Charlie.

Cheese comes in the following forms: flat, square, block, meltin' and pullin'. Yogurt comes in drinkin', breakin' and spoonin'. Peas are crunchy or squishy.

So if you ever find yourself confused around here, know that you aren't alone.